Officer, Please Don’t Arrest Me for DUI. Here’s a … Pizza.

pizza-duiYou might have read what to do if you’re pulled over by a police officer. Here’s a fairly complete list.

  • Pull over safely and quickly. Don’t try to “wait it out” if the police car’s lights are flashing
  • Use your turn signal when pulling over. Stop in a place that gives the officer room to approach your door
  • Roll down your window all the way
  • Turn off your engine
  • Place your hands on the steering wheel
  • Be polite
  • Don’t use someone else’s driver’s license
  • Don’t offer pizza to the arresting officer

The last two were added in case anyone other than the man from Granger, Washington was unaware of the inadvisability of bribing a police officer in general, and with an $18.99 medium sausage and mushroom thin-crust supreme in particular*. The man in question was stopped by a Washington State Patrol officer for drunk driving.

The driver had some pizza in his car, and he offered it to trooper Jarryd T. Bivins if he would just forget the whole matter. For some reason Officer Bivins valued the safety of the driver and other drivers on the road – and his own career – more than the pizza, so he arrested the driver and impounded the car.

It gets better. Another man came to retrieve the car from the impound lot. Strangely, he had the same name as the pizza-eating driver. In fact, the arrested man had borrowed not just the car but the driver’s license of another man, and had been arrested under the alias.

That adds a charge of criminal impersonation to the DUI and bribery.

One more piece of advice: if you’ve been drinking and you feel like a pizza, have it delivered.

* We have not yet confirmed the type of pizza used in the alleged bribery attempt. This is our best guess.