Is It Just Us, Or Did March Have More Stupid DUI News Than Usual?
Your Hump-day Recess: Dumb Drunk Driving Stories for March 2016
You expect one or two weird stories about drunk drivers in a given month. For some reason, this March has given us a bumper crop. Could it be March Madness? St. Patrick’s Day? See if you don’t think something went seriously screwy in the past 31 days
I’m Lovin’ it…zzzzzzz. First, people who fall asleep at fast-food restaurants. This happens more often than you think. An Illinois man was arrested for DUI after being found asleep at a McDonald’s drive-thru windows. Not long after that a man in York County Pennsylvania decided to do the exact same thing at a Taco Bell.
Great Minds Think Alike. Remember that woman in Florida who decided to live-stream her drunk driving via Periscope? The idea seemed too good for a Wantagh, New York man to pass up. He went on a bender, jumped in his Lexus and fired up Periscope to broadcast the whole thing. Immediate apprehension and video evidence against yourself? What’s not to like?
Trou Confessions. In Florida – you know there’s going to be a Florida story, right? – a drunk woman crashed her car into a Crestview, Florida Waffle house. She was not wearing pants at the time.
Call an .. Never Mind. This one is not just stupid, but scary. A man in Florence County, South Carolina drove drunk and had a head-on collision – into an ambulance. The ambulance was responding to another call at the time.
Highway 65 Reversed. This is the one bit of DUI news that gives us hope for humanity: a man in Nashville was charged for DUI after he was arrested going the wrong way on Highway 65. He said he was glad he was stopped, and grateful to the officers that took him off the road.
DUI. Rinse. Repeat. A man in Geelong, Victoria, Australia was denied permission to have his ignition interlock removed from his car. His application was rejected because he failed the interlock breath test 226 times. You read that number right.
Rim Shot. A man from Maynard, Massachusetts was arrested for drunk driving for the fifth time a couple of weeks ago. What tipped off the cops was the complete lack of a right front tire. The man had made it about a mile from his house without the requisite rubber on his wheel.
Tree Hugger. Finally, the one that has generated the most buzz. A woman in Roselle, Illinois was arrested because she had taken on an unusual passenger in the course of her driving: a 15-foot tree, which was sticking out of her front grille. Apparently she didn’t notice, or didn’t care, because she was – you guessed it – drunk.
That’s the wrap-up for March 2016. Please remember that all drinking and driving is stupid, and there’s never an excuse to do it.
These incidents just bring the stupid a little bit more to the forefront.