Iowa Man Eats Toilet Paper, Somehow Fails to Escape Arrest for Drunk Driving Anyway

eating-toilet-paper-will-not-fool-a-breathalyzerWe’ve heard of ways you can defeat a breathalyzer or ignition interlock. This one was new to us, however. In Iowa City police spotted a man driving the wrong way down Market Street. When stopped, he was tried to eat some toilet paper. Apparently he believed it would fool the breathalyzer test.

It didn’t, and he was charged with DUI.

For the record, here are some other things that won’t fool a breathalyzer:

  • Breath mints. A police officer is not your date. And breathalyzers measure alcohol in your lungs, not in your mouth.
  • Hyperventilating. Just in case you’re not dizzy enough. No, it doesn’t work.
  • Sucking on a penny. (Ewww!)
  • Eating antacids. Nothing in your stomach has any effect on the reading.
  • Mouthwash. Even if it doesn’t contain alcohol (which would increase the reading), it won’t lower it.
  • Pills sold to “divert alcohol from the stomach to the kidneys.” Right. Let us know how that works out.
  • Belching while blowing into the breathalzyer. Just stop.

Breathalyzers, as well as ignition interlocks, which use the same technology, work by measuring the alcohol that exits through the lungs, which it does at a fairly consistent rate. The amount of alcohol in the lungs is proportional to the amount in one’s system, enabling a pretty accurate measurement of intoxication.

So unless your trick involves removing alcohol directly from your blood, you will have a hard time coming up with a way to cheat a breathalyzer or ignition interlock.

Of course, if it makes you feel better to carry a roll of TP around with you, by all means do it.